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Other > from GothTart (20-somethingfemale)3 answers
I have a friend who is always putting herself down. She is always making derrogatory comments about her weight, her appearance, her "pathetic" life (her term), her lack of a love life, etc. I don't know if she really feels that way, or if she is just fishing for compliments, or both, but nothing I say seems to satisfy her. Even if I tell her "Oh that's not true, you're pretty," or "you look great" or "you're skinnier than I am" or whatever, it's not enough, she keeps the comments up. It's so depressing hanging out with her, and exasperating. It's like being friends with Eeyore, and it makes me not want to spend time with her anymore. Any suggestions, other than just not hanging out with her? She's a sweet girl and a good friend when she's not focused on her shortcomings...
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from ScarlettO (30-somethingfemale)
Golly, this is going to sound like a dull answer, but I think you need to sit her down and have a heart-to-heart with her. Take a deep breath and tell her, "Gertrude, you know I love you, but your constant negativity and self-deprecating comments are really wearing me down. It's getting to the point where I am reluctant to spend time with you, because no amount of reassurance on my part seems to help your self-image. Is there anything concrete I can do to help you develop some self-esteem? If not, I fear our friendship might be in jeopardy, despite the fact that you are a beautiful, attractive, funny, kind person whose company I truly enjoy. I just won't tolerate listening to you badmouth someone I love that way."..
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from Angie (40-somethingfemale)
I might say to her ... "Betty u know you really have to stop putting yourself down, ever hear the saying, "if someone tells u something about themselves ... believe it"... You really have to curb that negativity."..
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I'm a believer in positive energy and the effects it has on the mind, body and soul...Ever notice how positive people, attitudes, outlooks really do attract positive results...
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Angie..
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I'm the yin to Carlos' yang .....
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from cobo (30-somethingfemale)
Not only do you need to tell her the effect it's having on you, i.e. not wanting to be around her sad-sack (but sweet) arse, but try to show her the negative effect it must be having on her. If she's always thinking "oh poor me" then it will be a self-fulfilling prophecy and she will be poor and unattractive and pathetic. No one ever got anywhere thinking like that. She needs a complete rehaul of her attitude and outlook, which may require talking to a therapist or may just require an occasional kick in the ass, whether it's from you or from herself...
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